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Mike Stevens' UK Inland Waterways Pages

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HUMOUR

LATTON : THE PRICE

by Mike Stevens

Mr Prescott's new super-Ministry combining Environment, Transport and everything else has not only solved the Latton By-Pass problem, but has learned a few other tricks from the world of waterways. A new authority, British Motorways, is to be set up to look after Britain's roads. It will be charged with responsibility for increasing the revenue generated by the road system and adjacent land. All roadside parking will be charged for according to the length of the vehicle. As a special concession, motorists parking in their own garage, or "end-of-drive mooring", will only be charged half the going rate. Motorists will have the option of registering their vehicle as "permanently motoring", but in that case will not be allowed to stop anywhere for more than twenty minutes.

British Motorways has promised to standardise its operation with those of BW and the Environment Agency. To this effect the rules and standards for the MoT Test for vehicles will be changed every three weeks.

Improved maintenance is promised. All motorways will be closed for this purpose from the beginning of November to Easter each year. In towns we can expect to find British Motorways maintenance vehicles parked at every 'bus stop and traffic light.

Rural lanes and urban back-streets will be classified as Remainder Motorways whose maintenance will be the responsibility of local Residents' Associations and the Motorway Recovery Group. Remember – use 'em or lose 'em.

D-reg at Rickmansworth
(the well-known 'bus company)

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Originally written for The Henley Reach, the newsletter of the 1997 National Waterways Festival at Henley.
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