January
Winter weather brings canal traffic to a halt as most canals
are frozen. British Waterways complains of the wrong kind of snow.
An iceberg bursts the gates of Gauxholme Middle Lock on the
Rochdale Canal. BW says the canal is unlikely to re-open until March.
February
Floods on the Thames cut off the offices of Thames Water in
Reading. People still complaining about the hosepipe ban that has been in force
since 2006 claim to be vindicated, as they always thought TW was isolated from
reality.
March
Gauxholme Middle Lock re-opens. On the same day there’s
a land-slip at Sladen. BW complains of the wrong kind of hill and says the
Rochdale Canal is unlikely to re-open until June.
April
A lock gate fails at Stoke Bruerne Top Lock. BW says that in
their present financial situation it is uneconomical to repair it as only a few
thousand boaters want to use it.
The IWA and NABO take BW to Court for failing to maintain a
Cruiseway under the terms of the 1967 Transport Act.
May
The High Court rules in IWA/NABO’s favour over Stoke
Bruerne lock. BW appeals.
A water shortage on the London Canals means that all boats
attending Canalway Cavalcade are fitted with roller skates and the venue is
changed to Trafalgar Square as a protest rally.
June
BW says they can’t afford to mend the landslip at
Sladen and the Rochdale Canal won’t re-open until …. well, never,
probably.
The Court of Appeal rules in BW’s favour over Stoke
Bruerne Lock. IWA & NABO appeal to the House of Lords.
Some boaters heading for the “National” at St Ives
decide to travel early in order to avoid the congestion getting through the
Middle Level.
July
Long queues are reported at Salter’s Lode Lock. BW
makes all employees on the Rochdale Canal redundant.
August
There is a most unusual split-site National Festival, with
the land site, trade boats and workers’ boats at St Ives and all the other
boats on the wrong side of Salter’s Lode lock.
The House of Lords rules in favour of IWA/NABO over Stoke
Bruerne Lock.
September
Prime Minister Gordon Brown introduces a Bill into
Parliament for the formal abandonment of the Rochdale and Grand Union Canals.
Floods on the Nene trap 300 boaters heading home from the
National on the Middle Level.
October
David Suchet leads the campaign for a petition against the
Rochdale and Grand Union Canals Bill. The petition is carried to Westminster
from Blisworth by coracle.
BW announces a 50% increase in licence fees.
The Middle Level Commissioners suddenly create a licence
fee and charge all the boats stranded there.
November
The Rochdale & Grand Union Canals Bill is defeated in
Parliament. Gordon Brown resigns and calls a General Election.
A Waterways Party is formed to contest the election.
December
The Waterways Party wins the election and Robin Evans
becomes Prime Minister. He announces that his Government’s main target is
to make the United Kingdom independent of Government funding.
Stoke Bruerne top lock collapses.
The Rochdale Canal is turned into a car park.
Boats on the Middle Level, still trying to get home from the
National, are frozen in.
HAPPY BOATING
Originally written
for CUDDLY BUBBLY, the late-night spoof edition of the newsletter at the
2006 "National". |
